I Don't Love You

<p>Writing this last just for you, to be clear. <br>
I don't love you because I don't matter you<br>
I don't love you because you live like a cockroach and I hate cockroach the most<br>
I don't love you because you simply yell at me<br>
I don't love you because you yell me CIBAI out of nothing <br>
I don't love you because you treat me nothing even game is important than me<br>
I don't love you because you think I am okay all the time<br>
I don't love you because you smell weird<br>
I don't love you because you act like an uncle<br>
I don't love you because you won't tell me what happen to you<br>
I don't love you because you owe people a lot of money and you didn't tell me<br>
I don't love you because you argue everything with me
I don't love you because we never talked even in the same room
I don't love you because you left me alone after you shouted at me and never think it's its your fault
I don't love you because you say you love me but you didn't kiss me
I don't love you because you said i spent your money but you never buy me a thing
I don't love you because you don't buy me a present even on my birthday
I don't love you because you treat me like a kid that you don't listen to me
I don't love you because you give me that scary eye.
I don't love you because you were wrong but you never think you're sorry even after we broke up
I don't love you because of your irresponsible - you don't pay rental and electric water bills until you're chased out by the owner and water and electricity cut down
I don't love you because you always act like you're rich but in fact you borrow a lot
I don't love you because you lied to me
I don't love because you never keep your promise
I don't love you because treated me as your last choice
I don't love you because i accepted you out of so many girls you were chasing at the same time and that mean you weren't really love me at the first place
I don't love you because you embarrassed me in front of so many ppl
I don't love you because you don't respect me
I don't love you because you never bring me somewhere just because of me, anywhere we went was always because of somebody is going then we follow
I don't love yo because you acted very 大男人
I don't love you because you didn't show me some respect
I don't love you because you think I'll forgive you overtime you did wrong and so you keep on repeating

Friends. Oh yaa?!

Couldn't find a best word to describe how I feel right now.
Frustrated? Upset? Hopeless?

I always wanted to ask WHY!

Why are you all being so cruel?
You knew me well
And I thought I knew you well too.
Have I ever overestimated you?
You were my best friend, my non-bloodline brother, that I once make you one.
You knew the whole story
You knew I was not happy with him afterall.
I found my happiness now, but why did you ever turned your back to me?
Why why why..

You know, you broke my heart.
Thanks to you, i am not happy anymore

No matter how hard I tried to make us happy;
Ignored what have you guys gossipped around.
Trying so hard to find the balance
Holding faith that things will go through;

You guys should be chuckled around and feel so good that you guys were all teamed up. You earned the victory.
How freaking proud of yourself that you lose me but you earned the whole armies.

Please don't make me remember you this way.
I will not forgive you forever.

I did wrong too, I know.
I apologized.
What I can do has already been done.
Even I've been trying to pay back my mistakes; it still seems constant.
So much of heartbroken already.

One day, I will have to stand for myself; Even no one is standing for me.
I know this day will come.
I just need a little more rest to recover.
We just need a little more time.

Mr Chong, so sorry I caught you into this unpleasant trap.
So sorry we fell in love to each other was a mistake in the others' eyes.
So sorry we do not have an ordinary startup page; there are obstacles all around since Day 1.

Though, sincerely, nothing is better than cuddling around you by my side;
Nothing can make me happier to see you laugh like a kid even we are going thru a very hard time.
I just hope everything goes well between us.
We can't control externally but I hope we do manage well internally.

Fuck off all bastards!

Please Step Away

Did you really love me?
Did you really treat me as something?
If you did, how come I never felt so?
I am not stupid, I am not either something smart.
I just always wanted you to look into my eyes, hold my hands in my sleep, tell me how much you love me and bring me far far away.
Unfortunately, you never made me feel any of it.
Maybe you did hold my hands, but it's in your sleep.
Maybe you'll say you love me, but it's me that forcing.
Time goes on...
Even you don't hold my hands anymore
Even you don't say you love me anymore
You started to shout at me.
It's ok. You have your temper. I have one too.
And then you started to throw bad words to me, in a really bad way.
I didn't know how long I can hold on.
Thousand of chances have been given, but you made no changes..
That's when a lady will walk away with disappointment.
Speaking of, your attitude was the most terrible one.
I don't know exposing your attitude is or not a bad one
Since you've been faking things out.
I think I'd rather do something sincere.
You owe me a debt.
You owe my housemate too.
And then you owe your close friends;
But you seem so rich to your other new friends.
Fetching people around, treating drinks around, but you couldn't afford to return the debt you owed.
What the heck?!
Please la, don't make me even felt so proud to leave you.
You just make me feel nasty that you even acted so pity that I dumbed you. I was the victim.
You should have paid back before you say you're pity.
What kind of guy are you?
Don't make me felt so bad that I even chosen you before.

I don't know whether you intend to influence my friends or not
But I can see a difference from my friends
I tell y'all here, it's been a disappointment that you're infected.
I felt sadness, but i even felt so lucky that I am aware my friends aren't true friends.
So, I will never ever put my efforts anymore.
If there's once, there will be twice.
Why should I suffer myself when i'm already wounds-surrounded?

Please, everyone, step away if you don't like me.

It's Tough

Nobody ever admitted life isn't tough.

Nobody ever gonna said they are happy all the time.

There's gonna be some ups and downs.

So much you have to sacrifice when you're growing up.

That's how we learn to be tough.

I never said I am tough.

Even the hardest rock can be smashed into dusts.

Even diamond can be carved into shapes.

We human, are flexible.

We shape into shapes, we live even we're dusts.

We cry, we get angry;

We smile, we get guilty.

So many of emoticons can a human shows.

So many a human has to go through.

Sometimes, I get so disappointed.

And I'll just let go.

Apart from gossips, apart from rumours.

There always a chance, to cheer you up.

Let time be the doctor.

Burn away all the bad cancers.

Who says you cannot live alone?

Who says you need people's help?

Who says you'll die if people never given you food?

Crap!

I can find food by myself!

Always treat people's help as an extra

Not a need.

When you does, you won't feel anything when you lose an extra hand.

If not, you'll suffer when you have left one-handed.

True?

However, I just hope everything would get better, real soon.

It's A Tragedy, for me

I search my contact numbers

looking for someone I can really talk to

But I noticed,

there is no one I can talk to.

How pathetic.

Can people erase mistakes done;

I wish I could, truly wishing I can.

There are so much I want to tell.

So much...

Somehow, telling either one can possibly fail me.

I hate growing up.

I hate people living around those scary rumours.

I learnt lessons from people;

Never gossip around;

Never bother what is not related with you.

For one second,

It's bad that I hope I am deaf.

Hope that I can always live in my imaginary perfect space.

I hope I can never knew anything.

PTPTN Released

Nothing is better than seeing your bank account with this large amount of money all in a sudden !

I has been checking my bank account everyday ever since our student bills have been released.

There we go.

It's time for PRISON BREAK!

Friends has been complaining about leaving the gang.

But in fact, I was too broke to go for entertainments.

It's definitely torturing living with penny money of below RM50 everyday, FOR 1 WEEK PLUS already!

Like one day, it's gonna left RM1,

and then what will be for my next meal.

Dead from starving by the roadside under the lamp post?

*imagine*

Living in fear..

Ohh.. such a challenge.

Petrol light lid up.

Cell phone gone 0 balanced.

Everyday stays home.

Everyday cooks.

Skipped breakfast often.

And I totally have no money for even a pasar malam night walk.

What a shame..

Brought out wallet with money lesser than RM10.

How bad could it be?

It's killing man!

I'm just gonna brag a little, since I have past my exam last semester.

Hoo-ray!

God blessed me!

Ok, self-syok session habis.

Time to manage the money.

Gonna grab a phone for myself!

Yay!

By the way, any suggestions?

:D

All Of A Sudden

There are truths, there are lies.

It is you, always around my sides.

Like how much I never thought about.

Like how much it surprised.

For once, giving up was the option.

For second, it's like not the right thing to continue with.

We don't know how it happens or when it happens.

Never know why it's going unstoppable.

Can't find another way for alternative.
And then i'm just gonna accept what is destined to be

When I look into your eyes, I saw my own reflection
It is not about only my reflection
I saw myself in it
I knew I am that much to you.
I knew you were looking at me differently
I truly felt that.
The importance of myself that you sacrificed so much.

I hope i'm not silly this time.
I hope I am not making a wrong decision.
Despite of making this wrong decision,
I just don't know why I felt it's totally a right thing to do.

What could be better than making this wrong decision?

I chuckled by myself all the time, when I look at you
And then you smiled.
Asking me why am I being so funny..

"Because there is you in my life right now"


All of a sudden,
from friend to best friend
from best friend to intimate.
from intimate to...
I can't believe what are we right now.
I call this a chain process.
Step by step, heart to heart.
*I know I am being gross. haha

We always say,
"You were my intimate..I can't believe what is happening now"
Only if you see and I see, then we'll know why are these happening

Everything goes so smooth between us.
You delighted my life.
This is the first time I told myself
I deserved these.
I deserved you.

*PEACE :P

3rd Strike

It was a beautiful morning I had before I found out the package.

I know I asked you to return my stuffs.

But I'm not asking you to return what I've given you.

That's yours.

Not mine.

The moment I saw the box.

My heart went really numb.

I can't felt a thing.

Except questioning WHY?

Why did you return me the gift that I've been saving money to, walking around to, choosing out of choices to give you as your birthday present?

Do you know how much it meant to me?

Do you know how much it just simply affects me?

Now you're just the 3rd man hurting me at the same time.

How many times should I be going thru these?

I hardly raise my head to life right now.

Everything goes like up and down.

And I am just not enough to change the fact.

It's been tough these days.

I hardly breathed.

I hardly move my ass.

Why do those shits keep coming to me?

I've always wanted everyone beside me to be happy

But now I am the reason why they're not happy at all.

I swear I didn't mean this.

I didn't mean to change any of your life.

Somehow, life isn't like what I wanted right now.

I couldn't cope uncertainties.

Smiling around doesn't help at all.

Why couldn't I be smart a little?

At least I can protect all of them?

It's just so tough these days.

I couldn't stop saying

"I am very SORRY"

SORRY FOR ALL I'VE DONE.

SORRY FOR DAMAGING ANY OF YOUR HEART.

I'd do everything I could to punish myself

There's Too Much We Will Never Know

Life is full of happiness, yet full of misery.

Shitsss happen all the time

Some might taught you a lesson,

but some might really hurt you deeply.

There's too much uncertainties and too much of surprises that we couldn't cope with

We couldn't even faced it, sometimes.

I was once a very easy-going person.

An extraversion one.

But life changes from time to time.

I don't even recognise myself right now.

Feels like LOST.

Ever since I came to Kampar by myself,

my life has been going to another stage.

Stage by stage changes me, like you'll never noticed.

Until how much I saw myself being so ridiculous handling uncertainties.

So not ready for these.

Like nobody cares.

I laugh like a kid, I cry like a baby and I broke down like I thought I won't.

So much has happened.

Too much I cannot judge.

I thought I know, but it's not what I know

Ends up disappointed

And then sorry, you're totally wrong.

What have I been changed to, actually?

I don't know.

I am just so lost.

And this makes me shoo all my friends away

Even my love ones.

I am so sorry if I ever did anything hurtful to y'all

I am so sorry that I am not being matured enough to protect your feelings

I am so sorry that I spill my words without asking my brain first.

Dear heart, sorry for the damage.

Dear brain, you were right, you should be gone thru first.

*Quotes for the day:

People don't change by saying "I'm sorry"; People change by knowing exactly why they're sorry

Sometimes, sorry isn't enough when you screwed up too much

**I couldn't even find a sad photo from me. I smiled I laughed in every single pictures I had.

Maybe that's the way I live.

I smile to uncertainties, eventually.

Although I know there will still be another break down

That's life, I know.

Learn to live, that's what important**

Good luck to myself.

Awesome Malaysians ! Bersih 3.0 [428]

Wake up Malaysians!

It's time to fight for yourself, the community, and our future!

Morning guys !

A very big round applause to those people in the picture.

I'd just say

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME MALAYSIANS!

They were already there since last night!

Being supportive here, though I still have exam to catch up.

If not, I'd join them

doesn't care if I'll be lock up or whatever.

Cause we are Malaysians !

We want fair election ! 

Encrypted From FB, early in the morning by UTARIANS: 

"you think Bersih 3.0 is stupid and pointless? what about yourself? everyday stay in the air-corn room, eat fart shit sleep. At least people enact Bersih and trying to do something for the country. what about you? update stupid fb status and upload retarded pics everyday.

If you don't support, at least respect." 

--Joselyn Lau

"Wish to participate and witness the historical moment tomorrow.

428, the real unity of Malaysians is again shown the world. 

WE MALAYSIANS WANT A FAIR ELECTION."

--Weijie Chai Wai Kit

"Let's give up tml exam and go for Bersih 3.0 xD"

-- Rottenapple JianLe

"这几天面子书的状态都被 Bersih 3.0 的讯息给洗版了，每个人都变得好热血！
太给力了！虽然我无法出席，但精神上绝对支持。
希望明天出席静坐的无名英雄们能注意自身的安全！祝福。"

-- Alien-Teh Kwang Ewe

"在精神上支持！！！BERSIH 3.0 ！！！"

--Becky Qin

Call them if anything happens

Support Bersih 3.0 !
Together we do the best !

I Thought You'd Never Broke My Heart

Yea, I tell lies.

But you never thought about why am I telling those shits?

DO you think it's easy for me to cover so many lies?

I am not who you thought I'd be.

I am not who I thought too.

I thought I could handle

Yea, but see what's the outcome?

It's a mess, a serious mess shit.

I didn't mean to blame you for anything

But it's just too much for me

Everything I said, I meant it.

I never lied regarding this, the feelings.

Oh look, what I've become?

A bitch? Yea, for sure.

Just because I don't know how to decide.

I made a very stupid big game to confuse and to hurt myself

Is this game about patience? Or hurts?

He said, you should know it always start with HURT in this situation

What can I do to not hurt you? neither him?

Or me?

Am I being selfish? I thought I am not.

You said you won't give up.

I believed.

You said you will wait for me.

I believed.

Whatever you promised,

I believed.

Did you ever believed in me?

You have no faith in me.

You want instant result.

Love is for long-term.

I love long-term investment, I don't want anything to be short

It's about the process, you remember?

You played games, for process, aren't you?

I don't know how many times should I explain

I don't know what else can I say.

You said you knew me well

But I can't see at all.

It's been tough, for all of us, 

it's all my fault.

I'm the one to put the blame on.

I have no right to complain.

I am taking a break.

I'll Cross The Stream, I Have A Dream

~I have a dream, a song to sing~

~If you see the wonder, of a fairytale~

~You can take the future even if you fail~

~I believe in angels~

~Something good in everything I see~

"I'll cross the stream, I have a dream"

=============================================================

Dream isn't hard to achieve, if only you take a little step in a little day

You'll see, there's always this shiny star, waiting for you ahead

You just need to keep walking

Never look back.

If you think you can, YOU CAN.

Thanks to Stardream

A pack of dream creators.

Creators of this wonderful ball party first time ever on a cruise.

Well, let's see what happened on the cruise, that the news seem so hot in FB.

If you noticed, people changed their profile pictures after the event ended.

Mostly on the cruise, on the ball.

Sounds really happening, indeed.

Yeah, I'm gonna start from my side.

Hello, it's me

Taken by Mr Tony Khor

One of my fu*king favorite photo, yeah.

Stardream make my dream; A model. Do I look like one? Yes, I'm gonna say.

I was one of the committee members, from the PR department.

PR mostly has no big deal,

send out invitations, call journalists, make some public relations to the public

and that's all

Speaking of PR department,

There, the PR members.

Since we do not have a proper group photo, Zhe Kai finally made one for us.
Looks great tho.
But still, so wasted that we were too enjoy in the party that we forgotten to do some camwhore ourselves :/

Anyway, I'll talk about how fun is it later on.

Now, my job scope on that day

Bringing in the participants, and settle them down.

Distributing the programme flow during the opening ceremony.

Yea, it's me again, acting like a professional,

But distributing flyers -_-

Nevermind, I have this wonderful picture as rewards :D

Teehee

That's the Stardust lounge; Something in Titanic, no? :)

Opening ceremony always starts with the VIPs

Our VIP: DR.Teh

Left: Dr.Teh
Right: Chairman of Stardream -- Mr Chai Wai Kit 

Thought that VIPs wouldn't join us for fun

In fact, he danced like a youngster in the Boomer's disco with us.

Guess what, he even took off his clothes.

No offense, I think this is really awesome.

I shared out the story of his, because he is damn damn damn friendly instead of giving the respectful and strict faces, like the others will.

Now this is our advisor. A big baby indeed.

No offense again.

I truly like this kind of person that they don't act like "you have to listen to everything I said"

Left: Mr Paul
Right: Mr Chai Wai Kit

A group photo for dream creators, I was not in there, and I don't know why :(

After the opening ceremony,

here comes some dessert for all.

A quick peep for the rest of the night.

Romantic dance in the lounge. Brought you a romantic love onboard.

A powerful singer, Mira.
She has a wonderful and powerful voice like Christina Aguilera. Believe it or not?
Christina is my idol !

How sexy she is.

Apparently, the package for the event included meals.

Choices of either buffet at the deck.

Or the four season chines restaurant.

Encrypted from the promotional picture: Romantic lunch/dinner with love ones

The event is going on at the deck of the cruise later on after dinner is done.

Special performances are then continued with Waltz, the dance of love.

What else?

Ohh ! The live band !

*Not really like the band in a pub, but it's even greater than from the pub*

Performance by talented student with romantic songs that fit the theme of our event
Other than that, RnB songs are played too, to show the joyfulness of joining our dream
*wink*

She is the most wonderful musician I've ever seen;
She enjoyed while she played, like really in the music when she played "I'm a big big girl"
Should really have filmed it

The wonderful singer in UTAR; Like Christina Aguilera, like Kenny Chesney.
They were just so impressing.
Awww I was totally in love :D

Part of the crew member

The Chairman; Wai Kit

Trying to pose like a real model; Failed, yea? Haha

Zhe Kai; My PR team assistant; A very very great guy

My another favorite picture of the day w/ Zhe Kai

CHEERS; To Stardream :)

We simply enjoyed the sleepless night :)

They say, we have couple feel, under the spot light :) SS!

Wincent; The Chairman for Waltz with Love, if you do remember.
Today, he was the partner for Diane

Diane; Super skinny lo; That's why I looked so broaden :D

Eric; One of the dancers
I simply like this picture, and I don't know why :)

Part of the crew again

Brandon; A lot of help in my pictures sources :) Thanks

After the ball party night, a heavy downpour just so mean and ended the party
But it's okay,
it just seemed like we touched the heaven and it responded :)
Nevermind,
the party is still going on at the cruise Boomer's Disco
RM20 per person, free one draught of beer.
Who cares, anyway,
Greg, the cruise in-charger, is a friend of us now
He paid like 3 barrels of Heineken for us
Then we drunk 99.
Haha

----Eventually, everybody was late for the next day pool party which supposed to begin at 8am----

Encrypted from promotional pictures; Pool party on cruise

Pool party weren't just a bunch of friends jumping into the pool, splashing water around
There were a few performances performed
to boost the day :)
Pictures definitely described all

Sexy girls dancing; Best part on deck !

I love this picture like 1000 likes ! She danced with life !

Okay, it seemed like just pushing each others to the pool. Hell yeah !

Water-guns provided

I never expect this would happen to Mr Paul !
That is why, I call him a big baby. No offense :)

Let's call it a wonderful day and night on cruise
It's just gonna be remembered until there is another better

Well, the party ended.

It's time to create another dream.

It's time to say hello exam ! :D

Let's just hope Stardream didn't affect your studies.

Stardream is a dream, exam is the path for our larger dream !

A very big good luck wishing to all committees and participants !

Love,

Ariel

Hello Pulau Ketam

Sorry readers.

I was off for so long time again.

There was totally no time to online even for FB, Twitter, and whatever.

So, I have loads to update.

Gosh.

Viewing my camera, with loads of picturessss

that I haven't even posted anything up here.

Anyway, now I'm gonna make some repair to my blog with new template :D

============================================================

Day 1 -- P.Ketam

Ivan was following this time and the whole trip look more adventurous with exciting continuously events

Best days ever at Ketam 

even I came here for a few times already.

There, before we reached the island,

speedboat, indeed, was the only transportation to the island.

And I think that was the first ride for Ivan

Somemore, no seats for him.

Haha

See, he held the rail so tightly.

Then what could it be for our lunch?

Seafood, of course.

What else back to popular in P.Ketam? :)

The seafood was the best I ever tasted in Malaysia.

Haha

Playing with my cam mode while waiting for our lunch :)

Ta-dahhh; Tummy full like balloon

Crabs are always mouth-watering and finger-licking good

Famous fried la-la; Somehow not my plate of food :/ I hate mussels 

Same, mussels again; Dear and Ivan tasted like hell yeah, so I guess it's really fantastic :D

This time has no me; I am waiting for other dishes while they're eating musselss

虾丸, they called.

Now, this suits me more, fried sotong; I love squidssss <3

Big prawn; Super fresh. Wulala

You can do nothing in the island, except chewing around, whole day :D

Night time supper.

Sitting beside the river

And feeding the starving mosquitoes :S

Where I got so many scars on both my hands and legs

Showing off again; I know mine is smaller; Damn you -_-

Tho it's boring, no nightlife on the island; Luckily I have Milo :)

=================================================================================

Day 2

Bathing Milo, early in the morning

She misses me, I know :)

Then, we gonna bring Ivan look around the island

For your information,

Cars and motorbikes are prohibited on the island

Bicycles; the only transportation

Luckily, I don't have to cycle

Let my muscle man do the rest, I just sit behind will do

Yipeeee *lazybump

Now let's take a look how Pulau Ketam actually looks like

No roads, no annoying traffic jams, no car honking; it's just as peace as the sea

This island may be a kampung to you,

but it's a safety home to the villagers,

at least, they have no tension in their life,

they live really peaceful

and full of adventurous 

*of course, it's only adventure for town people*

Hahahaha

First attempt to cross the bridge

Owhh, failed. Go get him across ! Haha

Bird nest breeding area; Nothing special, we play around.
I super like this photo!
I'm sure you know why, cause I also sure you'll like it haha

Act cool huh? Say cheese :)

Bird nest building behind :)

Oh, we found this place; Does it look like those scenes in the movie "Anaconda"

Another attempt crossing back the little bridge; hold hands? OMFG ! SO GAY

Then, we headed to the fish-catching area.

Look how our fishes being caught, categorized, and packing process

This place owned by my dear's cousin.

Another sea bridge;
We usually cycle across, but he stopped before he reached the bridge, take off his slippers, and walk..
Hahahahaha

The one trying to throw or hit something over there in grey colour T-shirt is my dear's brother. Haha

 

Hello; Fat me

老虎虾; It's impressing right? There are a lot !

Imma kampung girl

Poor Mr Ivan, got boring

Tiger Crab; They're alive!

Dear's cousin. A fisherman, I guess. This mini speedboat is scary, but we'll be riding later. Haha

A live stingray, waiting for death. :( Sorry we gotta do that

Big fish, where I forgotten it's name. 

But hey, look behind the storage boxes, 

call in to order a large amount of fresh seafood from P.Ketam :)

Nahh, just acting; I was shivering.

But then, I jumped into the sea, later on.

Whooo.

It was exciting and fun !

Couldn't feel anything from bottom of your feet

All you can do is try all your best to make yourself float as long as possible

Haha

I was scared of course,

waves are big, the water current are strong, wind is blowing strong too

Add caption

Somehow,

I like it :D

I am brave !

And now, we're onboard, to the mini speedboat.
The boat super swaying.
Like any minute you stand up straight, and you'll lose your balance and into the sea

But I was not that scared anymore, after I swam inside the sea,

Get ready to wet already. Haha

All I can say "IT'S FUN"

Finally, the exciting moment ended with the sunset
How much I hope it was me in this picture :S
Too bad I was sitting behind, nobody's behind me 

End of Pulau Ketam exciting trip :D

Best trip ever

*wink*