3rd Strike

It was a beautiful morning I had before I found out the package.

I know I asked you to return my stuffs.

But I'm not asking you to return what I've given you.

That's yours.

Not mine.

The moment I saw the box.

My heart went really numb.

I can't felt a thing.

Except questioning WHY?

Why did you return me the gift that I've been saving money to, walking around to, choosing out of choices to give you as your birthday present?

Do you know how much it meant to me?

Do you know how much it just simply affects me?

Now you're just the 3rd man hurting me at the same time.

How many times should I be going thru these?

I hardly raise my head to life right now.

Everything goes like up and down.

And I am just not enough to change the fact.

It's been tough these days.

I hardly breathed.

I hardly move my ass.

Why do those shits keep coming to me?

I've always wanted everyone beside me to be happy

But now I am the reason why they're not happy at all.

I swear I didn't mean this.

I didn't mean to change any of your life.

Somehow, life isn't like what I wanted right now.

I couldn't cope uncertainties.

Smiling around doesn't help at all.

Why couldn't I be smart a little?

At least I can protect all of them?

It's just so tough these days.

I couldn't stop saying

"I am very SORRY"

SORRY FOR ALL I'VE DONE.

SORRY FOR DAMAGING ANY OF YOUR HEART.

I'd do everything I could to punish myself

There's Too Much We Will Never Know

Life is full of happiness, yet full of misery.

Shitsss happen all the time

Some might taught you a lesson,

but some might really hurt you deeply.

There's too much uncertainties and too much of surprises that we couldn't cope with

We couldn't even faced it, sometimes.

I was once a very easy-going person.

An extraversion one.

But life changes from time to time.

I don't even recognise myself right now.

Feels like LOST.

Ever since I came to Kampar by myself,

my life has been going to another stage.

Stage by stage changes me, like you'll never noticed.

Until how much I saw myself being so ridiculous handling uncertainties.

So not ready for these.

Like nobody cares.

I laugh like a kid, I cry like a baby and I broke down like I thought I won't.

So much has happened.

Too much I cannot judge.

I thought I know, but it's not what I know

Ends up disappointed

And then sorry, you're totally wrong.

What have I been changed to, actually?

I don't know.

I am just so lost.

And this makes me shoo all my friends away

Even my love ones.

I am so sorry if I ever did anything hurtful to y'all

I am so sorry that I am not being matured enough to protect your feelings

I am so sorry that I spill my words without asking my brain first.

Dear heart, sorry for the damage.

Dear brain, you were right, you should be gone thru first.

*Quotes for the day:

People don't change by saying "I'm sorry"; People change by knowing exactly why they're sorry

Sometimes, sorry isn't enough when you screwed up too much

**I couldn't even find a sad photo from me. I smiled I laughed in every single pictures I had.

Maybe that's the way I live.

I smile to uncertainties, eventually.

Although I know there will still be another break down

That's life, I know.

Learn to live, that's what important**

Good luck to myself.